i think tumblr’s getting crowded nowadays and i’m feeling like writing in a public profile. i just can’t write anything down like i used to before. everyone’s may read it (well, it’s also because i activated the facebook update for my tumblr) and it’s not convenient

I’m no good Lord. my heart is full of jealousy. i don’t hate, i don’t grieve, i just want what people have. is not that a form of jealousy? i’m no good at all at managing this feeling.

i become one drama queen suddenly, and this is the time when my creativity evolve. it may because the side effect of listening to Jikustik’s songs (which are good, but so mellow that depressed people in sort of way)

i have my contemplation at the moment. as a human, i have never and never will be perfect in people’s eyes. i make mistakes, very stupid ones sometimes, but i shall have joy and be grateful, for You provides me with people who accepted me for who i am. most of all, You accepted me for who i am, no less.

so why should i feel this emptiness? oh i know, it’s because of my greed. i can never be satisfied for who i am and what i have earn (in the name of Your graces, of course). forgiveness is all i can seek from You, Lord. I am sorry for the greed i grow in my heart.

I’m no good Lord. but why You still love with all your heart? no people could love me the way You do, and i’m afraid that’s the reason I look down on a guy’s feeling whenever they try to love me in their own way. nevertheless, I am also afraid that this feeling leads me to celibacy all my life. to be honest, i have never find a guy with a heart that loves You more that likes me too, so far. loneliness seems to accompany me when I’m down, and not You.

I do not know to which direction will You pull me. what I know is I know nothing. but I have my faith in You.

i might be spoiled…but cheer me up, tonight, Father. for only You who i can begging anything to

with Love,
Your daughter